So the kids and I read this book for the first time a few nights ago and I almost couldn't make it through. Okay, that sounds dramatic and I didn't actually cry but I got all the feels. It actually felt a bit like an out of body experience (ah ha! There's the drama;) But let me tell you why it pulled at my heartstrings big time and why I'm so thrilled it exists.
For someone who has struggled with mental health issues for what feels like my entire life, to have a children's book connect this way is really special.
I remember feeling the confusion and frustration of being depressed when seemingly nothing outside of my own brain was contributing to my unhappiness. I had friends, an awesome family, sports, singing, writing and all sorts of outlets I pursued and enjoyed. But I remember this dark mist surrounding me just blocking out the pure feeling of happiness. I often lived in this mist, unable to figure out what it was or how to get out of or through it. I would smile, I would participate, I would chat with friends, always playing the part of a regular me, but inside always wondering what and who that "me" was and what was wrong that I couldn't fully feel or embrace the happiness others seemed to.
"Nimbus didn't know why she couldn't be sunny all the time."
I don't think anyone can truly be happy ALL the time, but a chemical imbalance in your brain is different than just feeling sad. And this book, written for kids, put it out there so simply. It was done so beautifully that it left me slowly pouring over each word, holding my breath while turning the page, wondering how this author could really be speaking to my soul.
And in such a short and sweet way. Simple enough for kids to understand, but deep enough for me to need to catch my breath after reading. I wish I had written this book myself. Nimbus tries all she can to push the cloud away, bury it, ignore it, everything I tried to do to my misty depression. She got by doing that well enough, until she didn't. Until it grew too big and exploded, allowing her to basically have a breakdown in front of all her friends that left her running away crying.
But then she faced her cloud, she got to know it, she asked it questions, she interacted with it. She FELT her feelings. She decided she was ready to share her cloud, but who with? That's when her best friend showed back up, he'd been looking for her, finally found her and allowed and encouraged her to open up. He listened, he cared, he didn't judge. All things I try to teach my kids to do as a friend. And all things this book reinforced for them.
Nimbus shares her worry with her friend and in doing so finds the courage to share her true self with everyone, finally feeling it's okay to not be sunny all the time.
Such a touching little message and one that I am so glad I got to share with my kids through a children's book. And one that I'm glad is out there in the world for all kids, so they know it's normal and okay to feel their feelings. And that there are friends out there who not only allow other people to share their clouds, but to embrace them, help carry their cloud along and sometimes even feel brave enough to share they have their own cloud, too.
