Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Is the lack of stress, stressful??

So, with less than three weeks until the wedding, I am feeling very excited, not so stressed, just excited. I mean, there are little things I guess I am stressing about, like how I need to print three different sets of things and I don't have Word on my computer and all the templates online are for Word only...that's stressing me out a little, but not enough to freak or anything. I'll figure it out. That's pretty much been my attitude through everything, "I'll figure it out." I try not to sweat the small stuff. I want to marry Oliver, be with him forever...does the other stuff really matter? In the grand scheme, not really. Of course I want a beautiful, fun, awesome wedding, but so many of the little details people fuss over just aren't worth fretting over for me.

Anyhow, so while during the day I am not thinking I feel very stressed, evidently my body is reacting at night. I haven't really been sleeping well. So perhaps all the things on the "to-do" list are floating around in my subconscious and coming out at night, thus disallowing this bride her beauty sleep. Everyday after school I have things planned to get done. Whether it's wedding errands I need to run or wedding things I need to do at home. But today after school I decided to go get a pedicure and relax a little, try to maybe stave off some of the stress that everyone keeps telling me will inevitably ensue. (seriously, every bride, married woman, past bridesmaid, everyone has been warning me to de-stress and prepare for anxiety during the weeks before the wedding.) But here we are, a few weeks before the wedding and I am pretty okay. What's stressing me out is people telling me I am gonna be stressed!

I have never really been great at total relaxation. When I get a massage (which is my all time number one favorite thing to do) I sometimes even then have to remind myself to stop thinking about the outside world, the things I have to do, and just be in the moment with the spa music playing, scented oils and wonderful tension-relieving hands for the next 60 minutes. But today just made me laugh a little. There was a special at the nail place to have a free chair massage or free eyebrow waxing. I don't do nail salon waxing, so I opted for the chair massage.

Here's a little bit of what went through my head during the time I should have been relaxing:

"Hmm, she just put lotion on her hands, that's gonna make my hair oily when she does the neck massage part, Ah, who cares, I need to wash it anyway. I need to buy a round brush, I left mine in Fairfax. Maybe I could go to Marshall's after this and see if they have one. I need shoes, I'll look for shoes there. Ugh, stop thinking about this, relax, just feel this massage and relax. If I go to Marshall's I could probably also look for flip flops and not just rehearsal dinner shoes. I wish I had worn flip flops today, now I might mess up my pedicure when I put my flats back on. Or maybe they will let me walk out in these silly little shoes. Or I could wear these down to Marshall's, buy flip flops and wear them home. Oh boy, she's pulling my arms now. This tiny little Asian is probably thinking, 'dang, this girl is meaty' with her tiny little arms massaging my big old chubby upper arm. Seriously Caitlyn? Just relax. Deep breaths, calming, picture yourself on the beach on the honeymoon. Maybe I should call and make a reservation for a private dinner on the beach. The resort offers that, that'd be a nice surprise for Oliver. A romantic, candle-lit dinner on the beach. Perfect. Wonder if I'll be able to make it to the OBX this summer. I hope so. Stop thinking! RELAX!!" Ding. times up, massage over. Well, it felt good at least...

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