So, Nanny passed away five days after Kennerly was born. My mom's phone rang just after she finished helping me get settled into nursing the baby. She said, "It's my brother, Billy," as she went to answer and I just knew. We found out a few days earlier that hospice was called in to the nursing home for Nanny.
It was not an easy call to receive, I saw the gut wrenching pain of a daughter losing her mother wreck itself through my mom. The moments that followed are all still clear in my mind, but it has taken me months to be able to put things into words. Nanny's service wasn't until last weekend, so I guess I felt like I could kind of "put off" mourning. The first few days after she was gone weren't easy, I cried a lot and was feeling so sad for my mom and her siblings, and myself, my siblings and our cousins. But after those first few days, it was easier to pretend nothing had changed. Easy isn't always right, but it's just that...easy.
Nanny was a huge part of our lives. But that was a long time ago. For more than the past ten years, Nanny had been living a life that was not the one we want to remember. What I want to remember is my soft spoken yet exuberant grandmother snapping along with a song and tapping her toes to the beat. I have a vivid memory of her teaching me how to keep the beat in my childhood bedroom with my huge boom box blaring. That same memory includes when she told me she wanted to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Later that day, she told my mom, "Caitlyn said I could walk with her down the aisle when she gets married!" It will always break my heart that she wasn't even able to be at my wedding.
Nanny loved ceramics, she loved Buffy, she loves taking us to sliding rock, she loved walks along Tom's Drive. All the memories that came flooding back when Gramps passed away just a few short months before, came to the forefront once again. I wasn't surprised that she went so soon after him. I think that's how God works. Even though they spent most of the end of their lives separated, I always pictured them reuniting in Heaven and being together the way we all remember them.
Their love story was one for the books. They met when they were young, just barely teenagers, had their first date to see Gone With the Wind, then out for shakes afterward. Nanny told me the tale of how they fell in love and were married before Gramps left for the war. I remember hearing this story from both of them, but my mom recently found a report I did on the differences in dating when I was a teenager and when my grandparents dated. I interviewed Nanny and wrote a paper on it. Throughout the interview she kept telling me (as she often did when I was in high school) that just because she was married at seventeen didn't mean that I should even think about it at that age. I laughed every time she gave me this warning, because I had zero thoughts of marriage when I was seventeen, but she was so serious about how things were different back then. She called it "an age of innocence."
Anyhow, the memories I have of Nanny don't hurt to think about anymore. All that time that she and Gramps were in the nursing homes, it was hard to remember how they were before, hard not to wish they were still that way as we got older and had our own children. While it's difficult not to wish things were different, now that they are both at peace, it's easier for me to look back, remember and smile at all the times Nanny's smile lit up a room or her hug embraced me like only a grandmother's can. So many memories go flashing through my head and they all make me smile and tear up at the same time. I was so so lucky to have this woman in my life, to get to be her granddaughter. I miss her with all my heart.
Kennerly is just as lucky to have her Nanny, my mom. They share the same mannerisms, the same forgetfulness (in the form of putting things in places that make zero sense, then being surprised to later find those things in those places) and even the same snapping fingers and tapping to keep the beat to a song. I see so much of my Nanny in Kennerly's Nanny and it makes my heart happy again.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Dear Kennerly
I have about 5 unfinished, unpublished posts on here about and to my baby girl. Most of which were written before she was born. Now she is here, has been here for three whole months and I have yet to post. I want to remember everything, and I have been doing a good job at taking it all in and appreciating the moment. But having things written down is the best way to preserve those memories. Which is why Jaime started her blog after Ainsley was born and I intend to do the same!
Dear Kennerly,
You have been here for three months but it feels like you have always been a part of me. I always knew you were there and that you would come when life was ready for you. I believe that souls are all up in heaven and prepare to come into life as little babies when God intends. So I know you were up there with loved ones and God just waiting to come into our lives. I pictured you up there watching me and your dad forever, watching us meet and fall in love and decide to bring your into our lives. When it was time, you said, "okay guys! Here I come!"
So on January 19th, 2014 our little angel came flying into the world. The doctor wasn't even finished putting her gown on when you came sailing out into her arms. In the past three months, you have shown us what love is. We thought our love for each other was strong, but what we feel for you is so intense we couldn't have known it existed.
When I see the way your daddy looks at you, I melt...because he's melting. You can see it in his eyes. You are so precious to him and it is the most wonderful thing in the world to see. You captured his heart with your first smile and he lives waiting for your next one. You recently began to giggle and I'm not really sure I can even express in words how that makes our hearts soar. And you have daddy wrapped right around your little finger. A smile, a giggle, any look at all really and he is done for.
You are starting to roll a little, you hold up your head like a champion, you're holding things in your tiny little hands and hitting all kinds of milestones! I love every minute with you and am excited to watch you thrive.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Kennerly,
You have been here for three months but it feels like you have always been a part of me. I always knew you were there and that you would come when life was ready for you. I believe that souls are all up in heaven and prepare to come into life as little babies when God intends. So I know you were up there with loved ones and God just waiting to come into our lives. I pictured you up there watching me and your dad forever, watching us meet and fall in love and decide to bring your into our lives. When it was time, you said, "okay guys! Here I come!"
So on January 19th, 2014 our little angel came flying into the world. The doctor wasn't even finished putting her gown on when you came sailing out into her arms. In the past three months, you have shown us what love is. We thought our love for each other was strong, but what we feel for you is so intense we couldn't have known it existed.
When I see the way your daddy looks at you, I melt...because he's melting. You can see it in his eyes. You are so precious to him and it is the most wonderful thing in the world to see. You captured his heart with your first smile and he lives waiting for your next one. You recently began to giggle and I'm not really sure I can even express in words how that makes our hearts soar. And you have daddy wrapped right around your little finger. A smile, a giggle, any look at all really and he is done for.
You are starting to roll a little, you hold up your head like a champion, you're holding things in your tiny little hands and hitting all kinds of milestones! I love every minute with you and am excited to watch you thrive.
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
You did/didn't do WHAT?!
I just read an article about "expert sleep advice" for new moms and newborns. This woman pretty much hit it right on the head. All the things you hear when you're pregnant or a new mom seem to ALL contradict one another and everyone has so many opinions. It just got me thinking, so clearly I'm gonna blog about it:)
Women tend to be super judgy about a lot of things, and actually not only women, I have heard some dads-to-be say some pretty judgmental things about others in their situation as well. I guess it is easy to judge when there is so much unknown. I try very hard not to judge other people's decisions. They aren't my decisions, if they don't effect me, why spend my time worrying about what other people choose to do with their pregnancy or child?
Some things I have come across during my pregnancy...finding out the sex, what you need for baby, and pregnancy health. There's plenty more, but I can tell already that this might be long...
First of all finding out boy or girl. This has been a huge thing with me for some reason. EVERYone has their opinion on this and I am just a sensitive person so whenever someone makes any kind of comment, I take it personally (my problem, not theirs...unless they are being snotty, then yes it is your fault for trying to make someone else feel inferior to you simply because they do not share your belief.) I honestly NEVER thought I wanted to find out the sex before birth. I always had this vision in my mind of finding out the moment the baby comes out, the doctor saying, "It's a ____!!" and getting all excited and weepy and whatever other amazing feeling it brings. I was pretty firm in my belief that this is a moment I wanted. I also admit that a younger me did kind-of judge when couples wanted to find out because who wouldn't want that amazing moment?! However, experiencing pregnancy myself, I have found that "that moment" can occur at any time, it doesn't have to be when baby comes out. Even our ultrasound tech said, "are you sure you want to find out right now? It's so exciting when you wait," even after us saying we want to know now, afterward, she said, "see? can't you tell how exciting it would have been if you waited?" Through my tears and giggles of joy (and we have this on camera) I said, "well, it's pretty exciting right now!!" I even had someone say to me at my baby shower, "What am I supposed to look forward to?! You found out the sex, you're telling everyone the name!" To which I said, "do you know what' she'll look like? What her personality will be like? Anything else about her?" What do we have to look forward to...psh.
Anyhow, my reasons for changing that thought process were personal and somewhat medical choices. From the moment we found out I was pregnant, I wanted to know. Oliver wanted to know as soon as we could also, but he would have waited if I was adamant about it. But nope, all the waiting went out the window and I wanted to know asap. So that was our choice. And we are extremely happy with that choice. I was able to connect more, picture a future more, and really just wrap my head around the fact that there was a child growing inside me. On the other hand, I think it's just as great if you want to wait to find out until the baby comes out, just don't look at me and say with a condescending smile and a 'tude, "oh no we're gonna let it be a surprise." Um, I was surprised too, thank you. Now, don't get me wrong, there are those couples who decided to wait who just stated that that's their choice, "We're not gonna find out til the birthday!" you could tell they were excited about their choice, not judging us for ours and we all lived happily in a little baby convo.
Then it came time to register. Oh boy. Supposed to be fun, right? Wrong. It was not fun for me. I research things like crazy before I make any type of purchase, I stroll through the shampoo aisle forever reading labels, smelling caps, picking things up and putting them back on the shelf...and that's just for shampoo! Thoughts like, "do I need the thousand+ dollar stroller to be a good parent? Can I go with a mid-priced one and be okay with it? Am I going to be judged if I don't buy the top notch wifi baby monitor?" That's where consumer reports came into play. Can't even tell ya how many hours I spent pouring over that website comparing all things baby, to find safe, affordable products. Here again, people had their opinions; "get a swing, babies love swings. Don't even bother buying a swing, get a mamaroo, they're a million times better. The mamaroo is a rip off, my baby hated it." "A wipe warmer? Waste of money! Definitely get a wipe warmer 'cause those cold wipes on the baby are just cruel!" My head was spinning.
The sheet they give you at Babies R Us of "must haves" for a new baby is two sides of a page with like, 3 pt font. Oliver and I looked at each other and were like, "what??" We walked around the store for over half an hour, registered for a car seat/stroller system that we tried out and loved (and that I had already done my research on) then looked at each other, returned the scanner gun and left the store. Overwhelming is the only way to describe registering for what baby needs. Thank you to those friends and family who helped without being pushy, "So-and-so did love the swing/bassinet/baby wrap/whatever, but all babies are different and you really just don't know what they will like until you try it. Get what you like, what you think your baby might like, try it and see." Diplomatic while still giving opinion of what worked for them. I appreciate you more than you know (one of whom deserves honorable mention: my ever-experienced sister-in-law Jaime...who also isn't a fan of judgy people;)
And how about what's allowed/not allowed during pregnancy? Alcohol, cold cuts, sushi, soft serve ice cream, types of cheese or fish, changing cat litter. Oof. The list of do's and don'ts is pretty long. I like how my doctor explained it. At our first appointment, she handed me all the required paperwork, "I'm Pregnant, Now What?" then took back one sheet, crossed off the list titled "DO NOT HAVE" and wrote in "IN MODERATION." She explained that after 12 weeks it is pretty difficult to mess up a pregnancy just by those "do not's." She explained that listeria (the bacteria which leads people to not be allowed to have cold cuts) is extremely rare and if you are at a reputable deli, not some bodega in a back alley somewhere that never cleans their equipment, you are fine to partake in a turkey sandwich. Even sushi was on the list of "if you're at a reputable restaurant, it's fine." Every doctor I have spoken to has also said alcohol in moderation is fine as well. Do you honestly think women in Italy stop having their wine every night? Doubtful. Women in Japan not eating fresh raw fish? Doubt that too. Does this mean I went out and ordered a tuna sashimi platter and downed some bud light? No...I actually didn't eat any raw fish while pregnant and had maybe one beer and a glass of champagne throughout the whole time. Does it mean I am judging the pregnant woman next to me for having a glass of wine with her dinner? No. I did hear one father-to-be state how he knew someone who's wife "drank the whole pregnancy, had like 3 or 4 glasses of wine when we were out" and then made a comment about how he thinks that baby will turn out. I will worry when I see a pregnant woman taking shots at the bar or stumbling around after those 4 glasses of wine. I don't think you should overindulge when growing a child, but again, that is your choice. Unless you really are taking shots and getting shmammered...I will probably not feel so great about that.
Oh, and I forgot the cat litter thing...my doc actually even said there are times when that is fine too. There can be a bacteria in cat poo that is detrimental to the health of a pregnant woman. It is rare for cats who have been inside their whole lives, who have had their shots from kitten-hood, etc. So she said it's okay if I changed it every once in a while. I did not tell Oliver this (though he did see the paper where my doc ok'd it and said, "oh reeaaally?") I have changed Tiger litter maybe two times in 39 weeks:) Thanks, O:)
So, bottom line, my advice to pregnant women is to do what you feel is best and not judge others for doing it differently. And do you have to take that advice? Nope! This is my blog and I get to say what I say:) I have just found that the most helpful advice has come from those women who have experienced what they've experienced, shared that experience with me and allowed me to form my own opinions about it. (Jaime, Jess, Margie, Devon, Annie Couns, just to name a few:)
Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different. Because something worked for you, doesn't mean it will work for me, but I am glad to know what has and has not worked for everyone. Fill up my bank with your experience info! Then I'll see what works for us:)
Women tend to be super judgy about a lot of things, and actually not only women, I have heard some dads-to-be say some pretty judgmental things about others in their situation as well. I guess it is easy to judge when there is so much unknown. I try very hard not to judge other people's decisions. They aren't my decisions, if they don't effect me, why spend my time worrying about what other people choose to do with their pregnancy or child?
Some things I have come across during my pregnancy...finding out the sex, what you need for baby, and pregnancy health. There's plenty more, but I can tell already that this might be long...
First of all finding out boy or girl. This has been a huge thing with me for some reason. EVERYone has their opinion on this and I am just a sensitive person so whenever someone makes any kind of comment, I take it personally (my problem, not theirs...unless they are being snotty, then yes it is your fault for trying to make someone else feel inferior to you simply because they do not share your belief.) I honestly NEVER thought I wanted to find out the sex before birth. I always had this vision in my mind of finding out the moment the baby comes out, the doctor saying, "It's a ____!!" and getting all excited and weepy and whatever other amazing feeling it brings. I was pretty firm in my belief that this is a moment I wanted. I also admit that a younger me did kind-of judge when couples wanted to find out because who wouldn't want that amazing moment?! However, experiencing pregnancy myself, I have found that "that moment" can occur at any time, it doesn't have to be when baby comes out. Even our ultrasound tech said, "are you sure you want to find out right now? It's so exciting when you wait," even after us saying we want to know now, afterward, she said, "see? can't you tell how exciting it would have been if you waited?" Through my tears and giggles of joy (and we have this on camera) I said, "well, it's pretty exciting right now!!" I even had someone say to me at my baby shower, "What am I supposed to look forward to?! You found out the sex, you're telling everyone the name!" To which I said, "do you know what' she'll look like? What her personality will be like? Anything else about her?" What do we have to look forward to...psh.
Anyhow, my reasons for changing that thought process were personal and somewhat medical choices. From the moment we found out I was pregnant, I wanted to know. Oliver wanted to know as soon as we could also, but he would have waited if I was adamant about it. But nope, all the waiting went out the window and I wanted to know asap. So that was our choice. And we are extremely happy with that choice. I was able to connect more, picture a future more, and really just wrap my head around the fact that there was a child growing inside me. On the other hand, I think it's just as great if you want to wait to find out until the baby comes out, just don't look at me and say with a condescending smile and a 'tude, "oh no we're gonna let it be a surprise." Um, I was surprised too, thank you. Now, don't get me wrong, there are those couples who decided to wait who just stated that that's their choice, "We're not gonna find out til the birthday!" you could tell they were excited about their choice, not judging us for ours and we all lived happily in a little baby convo.
Then it came time to register. Oh boy. Supposed to be fun, right? Wrong. It was not fun for me. I research things like crazy before I make any type of purchase, I stroll through the shampoo aisle forever reading labels, smelling caps, picking things up and putting them back on the shelf...and that's just for shampoo! Thoughts like, "do I need the thousand+ dollar stroller to be a good parent? Can I go with a mid-priced one and be okay with it? Am I going to be judged if I don't buy the top notch wifi baby monitor?" That's where consumer reports came into play. Can't even tell ya how many hours I spent pouring over that website comparing all things baby, to find safe, affordable products. Here again, people had their opinions; "get a swing, babies love swings. Don't even bother buying a swing, get a mamaroo, they're a million times better. The mamaroo is a rip off, my baby hated it." "A wipe warmer? Waste of money! Definitely get a wipe warmer 'cause those cold wipes on the baby are just cruel!" My head was spinning.
The sheet they give you at Babies R Us of "must haves" for a new baby is two sides of a page with like, 3 pt font. Oliver and I looked at each other and were like, "what??" We walked around the store for over half an hour, registered for a car seat/stroller system that we tried out and loved (and that I had already done my research on) then looked at each other, returned the scanner gun and left the store. Overwhelming is the only way to describe registering for what baby needs. Thank you to those friends and family who helped without being pushy, "So-and-so did love the swing/bassinet/baby wrap/whatever, but all babies are different and you really just don't know what they will like until you try it. Get what you like, what you think your baby might like, try it and see." Diplomatic while still giving opinion of what worked for them. I appreciate you more than you know (one of whom deserves honorable mention: my ever-experienced sister-in-law Jaime...who also isn't a fan of judgy people;)
And how about what's allowed/not allowed during pregnancy? Alcohol, cold cuts, sushi, soft serve ice cream, types of cheese or fish, changing cat litter. Oof. The list of do's and don'ts is pretty long. I like how my doctor explained it. At our first appointment, she handed me all the required paperwork, "I'm Pregnant, Now What?" then took back one sheet, crossed off the list titled "DO NOT HAVE" and wrote in "IN MODERATION." She explained that after 12 weeks it is pretty difficult to mess up a pregnancy just by those "do not's." She explained that listeria (the bacteria which leads people to not be allowed to have cold cuts) is extremely rare and if you are at a reputable deli, not some bodega in a back alley somewhere that never cleans their equipment, you are fine to partake in a turkey sandwich. Even sushi was on the list of "if you're at a reputable restaurant, it's fine." Every doctor I have spoken to has also said alcohol in moderation is fine as well. Do you honestly think women in Italy stop having their wine every night? Doubtful. Women in Japan not eating fresh raw fish? Doubt that too. Does this mean I went out and ordered a tuna sashimi platter and downed some bud light? No...I actually didn't eat any raw fish while pregnant and had maybe one beer and a glass of champagne throughout the whole time. Does it mean I am judging the pregnant woman next to me for having a glass of wine with her dinner? No. I did hear one father-to-be state how he knew someone who's wife "drank the whole pregnancy, had like 3 or 4 glasses of wine when we were out" and then made a comment about how he thinks that baby will turn out. I will worry when I see a pregnant woman taking shots at the bar or stumbling around after those 4 glasses of wine. I don't think you should overindulge when growing a child, but again, that is your choice. Unless you really are taking shots and getting shmammered...I will probably not feel so great about that.
Oh, and I forgot the cat litter thing...my doc actually even said there are times when that is fine too. There can be a bacteria in cat poo that is detrimental to the health of a pregnant woman. It is rare for cats who have been inside their whole lives, who have had their shots from kitten-hood, etc. So she said it's okay if I changed it every once in a while. I did not tell Oliver this (though he did see the paper where my doc ok'd it and said, "oh reeaaally?") I have changed Tiger litter maybe two times in 39 weeks:) Thanks, O:)
So, bottom line, my advice to pregnant women is to do what you feel is best and not judge others for doing it differently. And do you have to take that advice? Nope! This is my blog and I get to say what I say:) I have just found that the most helpful advice has come from those women who have experienced what they've experienced, shared that experience with me and allowed me to form my own opinions about it. (Jaime, Jess, Margie, Devon, Annie Couns, just to name a few:)
Every pregnancy is different, every baby is different. Because something worked for you, doesn't mean it will work for me, but I am glad to know what has and has not worked for everyone. Fill up my bank with your experience info! Then I'll see what works for us:)
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Thankful
Before I wrote Gramps' post a few weeks ago, the last blog I had written was last year's Thanksgiving thankful post. Some people like to post on Facebook daily about what they are thankful for throughout the month. Some people don't get this, they say, "you should be thankful for these things all the time, not just the month of November," or something of the likes. These people don't understand that whomever is posting their 30 days of thanks probably is genuinely thankful for these things throughout the year. November and the holiday we celebrate this month is just a good opportunity to acknowledge those things for which we are thankful.
While I don't want or need to post daily on the FB, I am truly grateful daily for the blessings I have in my life. So, why not let others know what I am thankful for? What if it is them that I am thankful for? Wouldn't it feel nice to know your presence in someone's life is appreciated? I think so:)
So, while my post may be similar to last November's post, and probably similar to much of what you have been reading on Facebook thus far this month, I still like to make the acknowledgement.
I am extremely lucky to have so many blessings in my life. I thank God daily for what I know I have and what I know not everyone is as lucky to have. So obviously the first thing I am thankful for is my relationship with Him:)
God has blessed me with an amazing family. Not just nuclear, but beyond. My cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and in-laws are a wonderful group of people. The love of a family is the best love one can have. Having all of Gramps' grandkids together last month was the biggest blessing of all. No matter how much time goes by that we do not see one another, the bond that has been there since birth is easily felt the moment we are together again. We come from the same blood and you can tell it's running through all of us. My grandmother's are amazing women. I miss my Nanny dancing around with us all, but the fact that she is still here at all makes me happy. My Non-Non amazes me daily, I admire, look up to and love her with all my heart. I wouldn't be where I am today without her. My in-laws are the greatest. Oliver's sister, family and cousins feel like they've been here all along. His father makes me smile regularly and I know God put these people in my life for a reason. I also sometimes wish Germany wasn't so far away! Now I have cousins on both sides of my family over there!
My husband is also included in that family, but he has a special place:) I do not know what I did to get so lucky to have him in my life, but I am thankful every moment for him. And what would a post about family be without mentioning the little life that he and I have created?! I cannot even begin to imagine how this little girl will change our lives, we are so excited for this journey into parenthood together and Oliver reminds me regularly that we're gonna be great at it! (Who knew he had so much confidence in parenting?!)
I am also thankful for the furry family I adore. My Tiger man whom I speak to like a real child and scoop up and rock like a baby every time I come through the door. His purr and constant presence at my feet comforts me. My Bailey Boo who just turned 11 years old whom I get on the floor with the second I walk into the White house. My furry nephews, Gatsby, Brinkley and Riggle man. Life wouldn't be the same without the furry babies I adore so much. (This also includes my friends pets, whom I like to call my best friends, like Eli and Okami and Archie, and even though I don't see them often enough; Rudy and Gus Gus.)
Speaking of friends, I am blessed with a multitude! My seven who make me laugh daily, who keep me sane and comfort me whenever needed. Our friendship has stayed strong over the years, we have watched each other grow, we have grown together and distance has had zero effect on the foundation we created so many years ago. My friends in Connecticut, especially Jess and Krystie who I am so so lucky to have! Our husbands believe we "planned and plotted" to have babies at the same time and just over a year ago while in Jamaica we were saying how awesome it would be if we all had babies at the same time. Then, one after the other, we all became pregnant. They brought two of the most beautiful boys into the world this year and Kennerly is lucky to have two protectors and best friends waiting for her. My coworkers who have become such fast friends, it will be sad to leave when baby comes but I feel so blessed to have began this new job and met these people. Then there's Hollee, who...well, I'm sure you all get sick of hearing about how great we are. My rock, my life, heart, home, my firmer foundation. Couldn't ask for a better Hollz to my Keek.
Now...speaking of life, heart, home...Zeta Tau Alpha. Three greek letters, a million memories, and friendships that have lasted distance and time. My pledge sisters whom I couldn't have made it through the Spring of 2004 without, all the way to now sharing in weddings, vacations and most of all- babies! My alpha Zeta's who I will just always have a bond with no matter how long between visits and phone calls. Then there's the Lambda Alpha's who I get to watch grow each semester into such wonderful young women. Only problem is...each new group is the same age and I just keep getting older! But I love being their advisor nonetheless.
I am also thankful for the simplicity of just being. I am thankful that whenever there is a bad moment, I have so many good things to focus on to make it better. So, there it is, my 2013 thankful post. Now, I'm gonna go back and read last year's post and probably remember other things I should have mentioned...I am just full of thanks! So for whatever I left out, I am thank for that too:)
While I don't want or need to post daily on the FB, I am truly grateful daily for the blessings I have in my life. So, why not let others know what I am thankful for? What if it is them that I am thankful for? Wouldn't it feel nice to know your presence in someone's life is appreciated? I think so:)
So, while my post may be similar to last November's post, and probably similar to much of what you have been reading on Facebook thus far this month, I still like to make the acknowledgement.
I am extremely lucky to have so many blessings in my life. I thank God daily for what I know I have and what I know not everyone is as lucky to have. So obviously the first thing I am thankful for is my relationship with Him:)
God has blessed me with an amazing family. Not just nuclear, but beyond. My cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and in-laws are a wonderful group of people. The love of a family is the best love one can have. Having all of Gramps' grandkids together last month was the biggest blessing of all. No matter how much time goes by that we do not see one another, the bond that has been there since birth is easily felt the moment we are together again. We come from the same blood and you can tell it's running through all of us. My grandmother's are amazing women. I miss my Nanny dancing around with us all, but the fact that she is still here at all makes me happy. My Non-Non amazes me daily, I admire, look up to and love her with all my heart. I wouldn't be where I am today without her. My in-laws are the greatest. Oliver's sister, family and cousins feel like they've been here all along. His father makes me smile regularly and I know God put these people in my life for a reason. I also sometimes wish Germany wasn't so far away! Now I have cousins on both sides of my family over there!
My husband is also included in that family, but he has a special place:) I do not know what I did to get so lucky to have him in my life, but I am thankful every moment for him. And what would a post about family be without mentioning the little life that he and I have created?! I cannot even begin to imagine how this little girl will change our lives, we are so excited for this journey into parenthood together and Oliver reminds me regularly that we're gonna be great at it! (Who knew he had so much confidence in parenting?!)
I am also thankful for the furry family I adore. My Tiger man whom I speak to like a real child and scoop up and rock like a baby every time I come through the door. His purr and constant presence at my feet comforts me. My Bailey Boo who just turned 11 years old whom I get on the floor with the second I walk into the White house. My furry nephews, Gatsby, Brinkley and Riggle man. Life wouldn't be the same without the furry babies I adore so much. (This also includes my friends pets, whom I like to call my best friends, like Eli and Okami and Archie, and even though I don't see them often enough; Rudy and Gus Gus.)
Speaking of friends, I am blessed with a multitude! My seven who make me laugh daily, who keep me sane and comfort me whenever needed. Our friendship has stayed strong over the years, we have watched each other grow, we have grown together and distance has had zero effect on the foundation we created so many years ago. My friends in Connecticut, especially Jess and Krystie who I am so so lucky to have! Our husbands believe we "planned and plotted" to have babies at the same time and just over a year ago while in Jamaica we were saying how awesome it would be if we all had babies at the same time. Then, one after the other, we all became pregnant. They brought two of the most beautiful boys into the world this year and Kennerly is lucky to have two protectors and best friends waiting for her. My coworkers who have become such fast friends, it will be sad to leave when baby comes but I feel so blessed to have began this new job and met these people. Then there's Hollee, who...well, I'm sure you all get sick of hearing about how great we are. My rock, my life, heart, home, my firmer foundation. Couldn't ask for a better Hollz to my Keek.
Now...speaking of life, heart, home...Zeta Tau Alpha. Three greek letters, a million memories, and friendships that have lasted distance and time. My pledge sisters whom I couldn't have made it through the Spring of 2004 without, all the way to now sharing in weddings, vacations and most of all- babies! My alpha Zeta's who I will just always have a bond with no matter how long between visits and phone calls. Then there's the Lambda Alpha's who I get to watch grow each semester into such wonderful young women. Only problem is...each new group is the same age and I just keep getting older! But I love being their advisor nonetheless.
I am also thankful for the simplicity of just being. I am thankful that whenever there is a bad moment, I have so many good things to focus on to make it better. So, there it is, my 2013 thankful post. Now, I'm gonna go back and read last year's post and probably remember other things I should have mentioned...I am just full of thanks! So for whatever I left out, I am thank for that too:)
Monday, October 28, 2013
Gramps
He smelled of cigarettes, coffee and freshly cut wood.
Always. Gramps loved his coffee, he loved his cigarettes. Even to the point
where he used to joke (but not really joke) that for the “Great American Smoke
Out” my Bears Against Drugs Club taught us about in elementary school, he would
smoke extra that day. No amount of highly scientific health information he
would get from his grandkids would take that soft pack of cigarettes out of his
breast pocket. But that is okay, because the mix of the smells make up my
grandfather and I will never forget it.
The fresh wood smell was from his woodworking shop. He
sawed, carved and sanded pieces of wood into beautiful works of art in his
garage on Tom’s Drive on that beautiful mountain in North Carolina. Toy trains, baby doll cradles and knick-knacks. His
woodworking shop was one of my favorite places to be as a child. I can still
hear the machines and see and smell the sawdust floating around in the air. One
of the first things my brothers and cousins and I would do when we got to that
idyllic cabin in the woods was go out for a walk with Nanny, Gramps and Buffy
to find a big enough stick for Gramps to make into a superior walking stick for
us. We loved traipsing through the woods to find that perfect stick. He would
help us rate which ones were the best, then we would each bring one home and he
would work his magic. They would be transformed from knotty, rough sticks
into smooth, shapely pieces of wood that were obviously necessary pieces of equipment for children walking through woods. That was our walking stick for the rest of
our visit to the mountain. The walk through those woods was another of my
favorite things to do; the smell of the fallen leaves, Buffy running up ahead
and Gramps whistling like only he could so she’d stop in her tracks, and either
turn to look at him and wait for us to catch up, or come sprinting back toward
us with her ears flush against her head in the wind. The views were
breathtaking and the walks were always full of running, exploring and smiles.
Another thing we would do in those woods was shoot bb guns.
Gramps always had a stock of little bronze colored bb’s that came in those
little containers that looked like milk cartons. My brothers and I would take
turns shooting things that Gramps would hang in the woods off the deck for us;
tin pie cans, hanging on a branch from a string, milk cartons and cans lined up
on a rotting log. He taught us how to use the gun safely and how to be a good
shot. A few squirrels may have even been harmed in all of this, I don’t
remember any specifics, but I’m not ruling it out.
I can’t really say I have any music or songs that remind me
particularly of my grandfather, but the one thing I remember coming out of the
speakers in his radio was Rush Limbaugh. Or just news in general, but mainly
Rush. He was very into politics, history and current events. A veteran of WWII,
he took pride in our country and made sure to instill that in all of us. He was
so excited to get the hat one of my uncles got him that stated he was a WWII Vet. I was always proud to let people know my grandfather fought in the war. He
flew an American flag at the top of the driveway that I always enjoyed putting
up and taking down the flagpole with him. I also got to check the mail up there too which was always very exciting for me.
So, there is no denying my bratty side when I was a child…and
I don’t remember all the details, but I did “run away” from Gramps once. It
broke his heart. He probably told me no or I didn't get my way and my bratty
self proceeded to tell him that he was not my parent, couldn't tell me what to
do, so I was leaving. I made it as far as the end of the driveway and kind of
just sat there under the big pine trees for a while. We had a good heart to heart after that and all was
forgiven. He also stopped a movie once when things started to get racy and I
informed him that, “Gramps! I’ve seen Dirty Dancing!” Still, the rest of the
movie was a no-go for me that night. At least I didn’t run away;)
I can absolutely with no reserve say that of all the
memories of Gramps that I have, riding on the back of his motorcycle is at the
top of my list. Those were the most exhilarating rides, especially when we
would ride up the mountain to Jump Off Rock. The winding roads of the mountain
and wind in my face are things I can still see and feel. I remember the snug
feel of the helmet and how cool I felt wearing it.
Gramps also made amazing scrambled eggs. Random, but
factual! I could sit and reminisce all day about the wonders that made my
grandfather’s life, the whiskery kiss on the cheek from his mustache, the big
bear hugs, or the way his car used to tell us “the door is ajar” and he would
say “it’s not a jar, it’s a door.” Or how he’d cheer me on at swim meets and
taught me how to parallel park. I thought for a while how sad it is to bring my
baby girl into a world in which Gramps no longer exists…but he does exist and
he always will. Because how lucky are we all that we have these memories? The
luckiest. It’s actually fan friggin’ tasticJ
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Thankful
So, it's that time of year again when the things people are thankful for come to the forefront of their mind. It's things we're thankful for all year long, but because there is a holiday called THANKSgiving, we tend to actually realize those things for which we are grateful. I chose not to post everyday on Facebook about my list and rather chose to have a little narrative about it all. Surprised? I didn't think so :)
I am so blessed to have so many things in my life for which I can be thankful. My family is number one. That includes my husband, whom I adore and am eternally blessed to have in my life. A man who loves me no matter what, whose smile and laughter makes my heart melt and whom without, I know I wouldn't be who I am. My family also includes my amazing parents who raised me to see the good in everything, to be faithful, loving and trustworthy. My brothers who I have always looked up to and admired. I am always proud to tell people that I have two big brothers. I think it's the best way to grow up, the best family dynamic, the best of everything. I know that it's all I know, but I truly believe being the baby girl with two big brothers who care about me, watch over me and believe in me is the greatest thing ever:) My cousins and aunts and uncles on both the Green and Ahlers side make me so happy. I love that no matter where we are in life, the distance between us or the amount of time that passes that we might not talk, my cousins were my first friends and I find it really cool to have that bond start from such a young age and grow with us as we all grow. I am so lucky to have my Doenges and Palmer family. I married into some greatness there:)
Another part of our growing family includes my nieces and nephews. I am a lucky aunt to have gained three of those from the Palmer family as well:) Ainsley and Freddie make my life whole. Just the thought of them brings a smile to my face. I seriously sit around sometimes and just think about them and find myself grinning like a fool. So, thank you Clifton and Jaime for that:)
While mentioning family, I will go straight into how thankful I am for my friends. God has blessed me abundantly in this area. I have my number one, my other half, the Hollz to my Keek. I don't remember life without her and I am so so lucky that no matter what, we're us. It's amazing how distance doesn't matter. It's not always fun being so far apart, but multiple daily phone calls and texts keep us who we are. I also have my Seven. Talk about friendship! Three of whom I have known for almost my entire life, and others we picked up along the way. People grow up, grow apart, go their separate ways. We can't seem to get rid of each other. And we like it that way:) Then there's my CT best friends who I waited a long time for. It felt like when I first moved here that everyone I met grew up here an had their own group of friends and while I made some nice acquaintances, I never really fit in anywhere. Then Oliver and I went to a wedding for a friend of his and I met his friends girlfriend, Krystie. When we got back from that wedding, we started hanging out and became great friends. Then, Krystie introduced me to Jess, another cop wife. The three of us have so much fun together and I couldn't ask for better girlfriends!
Next, I am thankful for a mish-mosh of things; like my job. While it's not always easy working with a staff made up entirely of women, I am thankful for the women I work for and work with. And on the subject of work, I am extremely thankful that I love my job. Teaching is the most rewarding thing I can do with my life. I love my students, even when they make me crazy. Because even as one is running around the classroom making me want to pull my hair out, a moment later we are sitting in a circle and they tell me they are thankful for me because I am their favorite teacher and they love me. Does it get better than that? I don't think so.
I am thankful for nature. All of it. Especially during this season. I love the Fall. I frequently find myself thanking God for the beauty He put on this earth. Everything from sunrises and sunsets, to any and every body of water that glistens in the sun, the vivid colors of the leaves and the beautiful blue skies and puffy clouds.
I am thankful for Zeta Tau Alpha. The joy this organization has brought to my life is unbelievable. From all of my Longwood Zeta's, my pledge sisters, my perfect family and all of the traditions that being a Zeta from Farmville entails. Then, I was lucky enough to have a chapter open in CT that brings me so much pride. The ladies of the Lambda Alpha chapter of ZTA make my heart swell with pride when I see them volunteering, raising money and awareness for breast cancer and even just watching them grow throughout their college years.
I thank God everyday for these things, but sharing them with the world (or the three people who read
this blog;) feels nice too. And none of these things would even be possible without God, so to say I'm thankful for my faith wouldn't even begin to describe it. So there you have it, my 2012 thankful post. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with family, friends, laughter and smiles.
I am so blessed to have so many things in my life for which I can be thankful. My family is number one. That includes my husband, whom I adore and am eternally blessed to have in my life. A man who loves me no matter what, whose smile and laughter makes my heart melt and whom without, I know I wouldn't be who I am. My family also includes my amazing parents who raised me to see the good in everything, to be faithful, loving and trustworthy. My brothers who I have always looked up to and admired. I am always proud to tell people that I have two big brothers. I think it's the best way to grow up, the best family dynamic, the best of everything. I know that it's all I know, but I truly believe being the baby girl with two big brothers who care about me, watch over me and believe in me is the greatest thing ever:) My cousins and aunts and uncles on both the Green and Ahlers side make me so happy. I love that no matter where we are in life, the distance between us or the amount of time that passes that we might not talk, my cousins were my first friends and I find it really cool to have that bond start from such a young age and grow with us as we all grow. I am so lucky to have my Doenges and Palmer family. I married into some greatness there:)
Another part of our growing family includes my nieces and nephews. I am a lucky aunt to have gained three of those from the Palmer family as well:) Ainsley and Freddie make my life whole. Just the thought of them brings a smile to my face. I seriously sit around sometimes and just think about them and find myself grinning like a fool. So, thank you Clifton and Jaime for that:)
While mentioning family, I will go straight into how thankful I am for my friends. God has blessed me abundantly in this area. I have my number one, my other half, the Hollz to my Keek. I don't remember life without her and I am so so lucky that no matter what, we're us. It's amazing how distance doesn't matter. It's not always fun being so far apart, but multiple daily phone calls and texts keep us who we are. I also have my Seven. Talk about friendship! Three of whom I have known for almost my entire life, and others we picked up along the way. People grow up, grow apart, go their separate ways. We can't seem to get rid of each other. And we like it that way:) Then there's my CT best friends who I waited a long time for. It felt like when I first moved here that everyone I met grew up here an had their own group of friends and while I made some nice acquaintances, I never really fit in anywhere. Then Oliver and I went to a wedding for a friend of his and I met his friends girlfriend, Krystie. When we got back from that wedding, we started hanging out and became great friends. Then, Krystie introduced me to Jess, another cop wife. The three of us have so much fun together and I couldn't ask for better girlfriends!
Next, I am thankful for a mish-mosh of things; like my job. While it's not always easy working with a staff made up entirely of women, I am thankful for the women I work for and work with. And on the subject of work, I am extremely thankful that I love my job. Teaching is the most rewarding thing I can do with my life. I love my students, even when they make me crazy. Because even as one is running around the classroom making me want to pull my hair out, a moment later we are sitting in a circle and they tell me they are thankful for me because I am their favorite teacher and they love me. Does it get better than that? I don't think so.
I am thankful for nature. All of it. Especially during this season. I love the Fall. I frequently find myself thanking God for the beauty He put on this earth. Everything from sunrises and sunsets, to any and every body of water that glistens in the sun, the vivid colors of the leaves and the beautiful blue skies and puffy clouds.
I am thankful for Zeta Tau Alpha. The joy this organization has brought to my life is unbelievable. From all of my Longwood Zeta's, my pledge sisters, my perfect family and all of the traditions that being a Zeta from Farmville entails. Then, I was lucky enough to have a chapter open in CT that brings me so much pride. The ladies of the Lambda Alpha chapter of ZTA make my heart swell with pride when I see them volunteering, raising money and awareness for breast cancer and even just watching them grow throughout their college years.
I thank God everyday for these things, but sharing them with the world (or the three people who read
this blog;) feels nice too. And none of these things would even be possible without God, so to say I'm thankful for my faith wouldn't even begin to describe it. So there you have it, my 2012 thankful post. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with family, friends, laughter and smiles.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Birthday Snob
So...I blame it on my parents. I am a birthday snob. I love birthdays (everyone's!) but especially mine. It is a special day where everyone celebrates YOU! One day out of the year that your family, friends, loved ones, celebrate your life and the fact that you are in their life.
I say I blame it on good 'ole Kip and denise because they showered me and my brothers with birthday love and sentiments and gifts and everything every year! I was a princess for a day (family-hold your tongue with the spoiled comments that it wasn't just for ONE day;) I was the baby and the only girl, so deal with it:)
Every year we would wake up to the White family Happy Birthday banner draped across the wall in the kitchen. We would have birthday pancakes with a candle. I had a birthday button I would wear on my shirt. Birthday cards and presents were set out on the table. Sometimes we could open one in the morning but have to wait for the rest for after school. Side note-if I even went to school! My birthday is on Veteran's Day which is a government holiday. We still had school, but my daddy didn't have to work, so sometimes he would pick me up from school early:) Which led me to truly believe no one should work on their birthday. When I got to college and saw on a syllabus on the first day of class that there was an exam scheduled on November 11th, I told the professor I would need to take that exam early because I wouldn't be in class that day. True story.
I don't have to worry about that up here in CT where we have every holiday known to man off from school. Don't think that the true meaning of Veteran's Day is lost on me either though. I am honored to share my birthday with such a praiseworthy holiday. I appreciate all that veterans have done for our country and I love that I can share that day of celebrations.
But, back to bday celebrations. Our family is also known for the all day birthday phone calls. All day long I would get calls from aunts, uncles and grandparents singing to me. That continues to this day. And I love it. Any birthday cards that would come in the mail early were opened and displayed somewhere in the house for pretty much the whole month, if not just for the days leading up to the actual birthday. I start getting excited about my birthday in like mid-October, but the real anticipation begins right after Halloween. It's like I have the distraction of Halloween and then bam! It's November 1st. On my sixteenth birthday, I got a present everyday for all sixteen days leading up to November 11th. My mom worked at my school and had things delivered to me in class even! One day I received a huge bouquet of balloons in my Spanish class and walked down the hall carrying a big bunch of mylar balloons the rest of the day. Obnoxious? Sorry. I loved it.
When I got to college, I'd receive care packages and cards but I was worried it wouldn't be the same. Enter Hollee Higbea. She knew how I was about birthdays and not only did she get it, she made an actual happy birthday banner to hang across my dorm room door for when I woke up that first November away from home. There were handmade posters and signs hanging on my door and it melted my heart. The next four years of college birthdays were pretty amazing (cubes, blueberry madness, frank:) Including a HUGE surprise visit from not one, but BOTH of my brothers on my 21st! One from CT and one (and his then girlfriend, my now sister-in-law) from NC. It was amazing. It is difficult to surprise me, but they pulled it off and I FREAKED.
When I moved to CT, again I worried my birthday's might not be the same so far from home. Hollee has made it to every birthday since I've lived here and this is the first year she wont be able to. --I don't wanna talk about it.--
Even my M7 has made the trek to celebrate with me. Thanks to Mrs. DeSimone's minivan:) We went into NYC one year and got super crazy, stayed out til 5 am and had an awesome time cramming seven girls into one hotel room.
Last year was the year I had waited for my whole life. 11/11/11. I seriously started planning the celebration when I was nine. The girls all came up, and we did a bar crawl through SoNo and had a blast.
I've been so lucky that most people have the holiday off from work and can travel to be with me. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends who celebrate me on my favorite day of the year. This is the first year my VA friends aren't coming. I am a little bummed, but I completely understand, life happens, and I don't ever get to take off from school to go down there for their birthday's, so I get it. Doesn't mean I like it though! This is also the first year that I don't have anything planned to celebrate. There have been a few things in the works, but plans have changed and changed again and the pieces don't seem to be fitting into place to make a big fun thing happen.
Am I getting too old to be so excited about birthdays? No, sorry, I can't believe that. Like I said, I love birthdays. Always will. I love other peoples birthdays too, maybe because it's just instilled in me to get excited for others to have a day all to themselves! When it's a student's birthday at school, they get a crown and stickers and special privileges all day! When it's a family member's birthday I call them like 26741 times throughout the day. I will always be a child at heart when it comes to November 11th. I even wanna go play laser tag...I'm just having a hard time finding a place for adults! Maybe that should be my next business venture:)
I say I blame it on good 'ole Kip and denise because they showered me and my brothers with birthday love and sentiments and gifts and everything every year! I was a princess for a day (family-hold your tongue with the spoiled comments that it wasn't just for ONE day;) I was the baby and the only girl, so deal with it:)
Every year we would wake up to the White family Happy Birthday banner draped across the wall in the kitchen. We would have birthday pancakes with a candle. I had a birthday button I would wear on my shirt. Birthday cards and presents were set out on the table. Sometimes we could open one in the morning but have to wait for the rest for after school. Side note-if I even went to school! My birthday is on Veteran's Day which is a government holiday. We still had school, but my daddy didn't have to work, so sometimes he would pick me up from school early:) Which led me to truly believe no one should work on their birthday. When I got to college and saw on a syllabus on the first day of class that there was an exam scheduled on November 11th, I told the professor I would need to take that exam early because I wouldn't be in class that day. True story.
I don't have to worry about that up here in CT where we have every holiday known to man off from school. Don't think that the true meaning of Veteran's Day is lost on me either though. I am honored to share my birthday with such a praiseworthy holiday. I appreciate all that veterans have done for our country and I love that I can share that day of celebrations.
But, back to bday celebrations. Our family is also known for the all day birthday phone calls. All day long I would get calls from aunts, uncles and grandparents singing to me. That continues to this day. And I love it. Any birthday cards that would come in the mail early were opened and displayed somewhere in the house for pretty much the whole month, if not just for the days leading up to the actual birthday. I start getting excited about my birthday in like mid-October, but the real anticipation begins right after Halloween. It's like I have the distraction of Halloween and then bam! It's November 1st. On my sixteenth birthday, I got a present everyday for all sixteen days leading up to November 11th. My mom worked at my school and had things delivered to me in class even! One day I received a huge bouquet of balloons in my Spanish class and walked down the hall carrying a big bunch of mylar balloons the rest of the day. Obnoxious? Sorry. I loved it.
When I got to college, I'd receive care packages and cards but I was worried it wouldn't be the same. Enter Hollee Higbea. She knew how I was about birthdays and not only did she get it, she made an actual happy birthday banner to hang across my dorm room door for when I woke up that first November away from home. There were handmade posters and signs hanging on my door and it melted my heart. The next four years of college birthdays were pretty amazing (cubes, blueberry madness, frank:) Including a HUGE surprise visit from not one, but BOTH of my brothers on my 21st! One from CT and one (and his then girlfriend, my now sister-in-law) from NC. It was amazing. It is difficult to surprise me, but they pulled it off and I FREAKED.
When I moved to CT, again I worried my birthday's might not be the same so far from home. Hollee has made it to every birthday since I've lived here and this is the first year she wont be able to. --I don't wanna talk about it.--
Even my M7 has made the trek to celebrate with me. Thanks to Mrs. DeSimone's minivan:) We went into NYC one year and got super crazy, stayed out til 5 am and had an awesome time cramming seven girls into one hotel room.
Last year was the year I had waited for my whole life. 11/11/11. I seriously started planning the celebration when I was nine. The girls all came up, and we did a bar crawl through SoNo and had a blast.
I've been so lucky that most people have the holiday off from work and can travel to be with me. I am so blessed to have such amazing friends who celebrate me on my favorite day of the year. This is the first year my VA friends aren't coming. I am a little bummed, but I completely understand, life happens, and I don't ever get to take off from school to go down there for their birthday's, so I get it. Doesn't mean I like it though! This is also the first year that I don't have anything planned to celebrate. There have been a few things in the works, but plans have changed and changed again and the pieces don't seem to be fitting into place to make a big fun thing happen.
Am I getting too old to be so excited about birthdays? No, sorry, I can't believe that. Like I said, I love birthdays. Always will. I love other peoples birthdays too, maybe because it's just instilled in me to get excited for others to have a day all to themselves! When it's a student's birthday at school, they get a crown and stickers and special privileges all day! When it's a family member's birthday I call them like 26741 times throughout the day. I will always be a child at heart when it comes to November 11th. I even wanna go play laser tag...I'm just having a hard time finding a place for adults! Maybe that should be my next business venture:)
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