Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Name of the Game is Procrastination...and I'm the MVP

So, while still getting used to this co-blogging, I think I will see how it goes to use this as a creative outlet on my own as well. Because really the reason we're doing it together is to keep each other writing, have someone hold us accountable.
The title of this post definitely encompasses both Hollee and myself. The reason for this post, and the title are because this trait of mine was brought to my attention last night.
Every once in a while...or really, more often than not, something comes into my brain and I wish I had something to write on. Having an iPhone helps, I have recently been just typing these ideas into notes...but anyhow...I am a writer, I just am. I love writing, I love getting the craziness out of my brain and putting it down on paper. I also have a large fear of failure...which leads to the wonder that is my brain, not being put onto paper because of an "it probably wont be as good as I think" attitude. For example, I have had an idea for a children/pre-teen novel for years now. It popped into my head once and I haven't been able to get it out. It's all in there, a series even...I have dreams about it, I have written different parts of it, I think about it all the time. I have even had professors request for me to be placed in advanced writing classes, told me this is "what I should do" with my life, but the passion for writing loses out to the fear of failure. But I think that's not even the right thing to call it...I think what I am truly afraid of is success. There is a long history there, but being great and successful got me into trouble in my past and I think it made me guarded. So there's me, psycho analyzing myself.
So, last night Oliver and I were at his parents house out on their patio. They live in a really nice, open wooded area with not much around. This sets the scene for some beautiful night sky observances. Last night was particularly beautiful, there were so many stars out and the sky was so clear, you could just see them all up there. I started thinking...what if every star in the sky represented a couple who had fallen in love? That even if you have never been in love, you could look up at the night sky and still have hope that it is bound to happen for you, because looking at the number of stars in the sky, you see the abundance of love there is in the world.
It was just a thought, and it sent my mind into a tailspin...stars can mean whatever you want them to mean, right? You get to choose what you believe and what you believe in, so why not make it something magical? Love can be compared to stars because you can't see love, but you know it is there, during the day you cannot see the stars but you know they are up there, etc. So I said something like that out loud, about the stars representing love, and Oliver just said, "Wow." Like, he was blown away by me (side note, find someone who loves you like crazy and find a way to keep them around forever:) But then I started thinking, as I always do, "this just sounds like it makes sense, someone has to have said this before. I am sure there is some great writer or philosopher who has attributed the amount of stars in the sky to the amount of love in the world. Nothing new here, Caitlyn, no need to write it down, it's already out there." And that is when Oliver said something about the reason I don't write is because I procrastinate and that he has heard me say things and talk about my book for the past four years that he has known me, and all I have done is procrastinate writing it. So, again, welcome to this blog.

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